Originally I was told that I would receive all of spring training to prove my merit to the Rockies. I ended up receiving every opportunity and more in my time with them but ultimately I did not get the job done. Nobody is at fault. except myself. Which is good and bad. It is bad because I did not perform, but it is good because knowing that is completely on my shoulders means that getting back into the game is completely on my shoulders also. I messed it up and that means I can fix it.
My last appearance with the team was interesting because we did not have a catcher available to warm me up before the outing. It is not an excuse, but it is something that I have never done before as a pitcher. I trusted that my arm wouldn’t fall off, and actually I felt good warming up for the first time in a few appearances.
The outing was okay, I finished the game but obviously it was not good enough to convince them to let me continue with the organization. I thought that I would at the minimum get a shot a rookie ball and pitch in a real game before we cut ties. Extended is real, but when you get under the lights it is always a different game.
Last year in November when I got axed I was told over the phone during my lunch break while teaching. This time the axe came while I was changing into my gear the next day. It felt weird because I didn’t really know the two guys who were telling me too well. I’m sure they were doing their best to comfort me and make sure I knew they felt bad about this happening, but at the end of the day their job isn’t to feel bad it is to do what is best for the organization going forward. Honestly I don’t feel upset about it because like I said I was given every chance to perform time and time again but couldn’t take advantage of the opportunities.
The packing up of my gear and saying good luck to everyone wasn’t as bad as I thought. Nobody really knows what to say and most of the time guys ignore it for the time being and just let it happen. Mainly because to them it is another day that they get to play, and some guys might go as far to say that it is one less guy to compete with for the rest of the season. The competition is only beginning with the draft being this past weekend, and the new crop of talent will be coming in to earn their spots.
About two years ago at this exact time I was in the exact same spot. I was waiting for the draft, went undrafted, and then decided what the next move should be to keep playing. I am back in the same spot, the draft has past, teams filled their rosters, and I know it will be a hard up hill battle going forward to crack back into affiliated ball. The next generation of ballplayers for each organization is arriving right about how, wide eyed into the first foray into pro ball. I enjoyed my role last year in extended when I got to meet the new wave and the next generation of Braves players. Being able to help them out in their transition is something that I took pride into. Especially because on paper my numbers are not the best, but as we know numbers can only tell you so much, and I need to find the organization that will stick with me.
It is weird how some guys get more time than others to prove their worth. In my time with two different teams there is always rumblings and misunderstandings when someone gets released, or even when someone doesn’t. As players we always feel like we know who has put in the work, who is doing the right thing off the field, and I don’t like the word “deserve”, but who deserves it more. Everyone thinks they deserve it more than others, that’s just how it goes.
Being the nice guy is always good, I’ve been told I do everything right, except be consistent enough on the mound. I’m not alone in my struggle, there are plenty of players that never got a chance to play in affiliated ball that were worth a look. Then after someone is released guys take it differently. I took it okay this time, I figured that I did my best and wasn’t able to perform, at least I know it was because of performance. Last year I thought I did enough in my first two years to continue pitching in Atlanta, but this time it was different. Another way to look at being released is that you can move on from the organization. If the Rockies saw no future with me then it is good to have it done now rather than a few years from now when I could have been working with a team who believes in my future.
Right now I am weighing options and trying to figure out what to do next with my life and baseball. If it is still playing, if it is coaching, if it is who knows what I haven’t decided fully what to do. Finishing out the summer somewhere on the mound would be nice, that’s my first priority. There are a few options that have sparked my interest in finishing the summer. The need to compete against others and taste success again is still fresh. My arm still has so much to offer to a club or organization, just need to find the team that is going to give me the best opportunity and stick with me. As of now I’d be considered another guy with the physical tools to accomplish his goal, but an unfinished product, and someone that people would say wasted their shot. That is a harsh way to look at it but it is an accurate description.
I have been staying in shape as far as throwing goes everyday as well as throwing bullpens to maintain my arm strength. Perhaps being away from the game for a second time will help me reset my brain and get me back to where I was when I had success my first two years. I’m handling things okay, it sucks to be released no matter how much I rationalize it. Perhaps the third time will be the charm with whoever gives me a chance next. It is time to continue walking on the uphill road, one step at a time.
If any updates occur I will post them here, and I look forward pitching somewhere the rest of the summer.
Have glove, will travel.
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