Post All-Star

The first post All-Star series is now in the books.  We were faced off against our nemesis the Wilmington Blue Rocks for our first series.

In the overall eight game series we went 3-5.  We went winless to finish the first half and now have come out to go 3-1 to start the second half.   We went 1-3 to start the first half and went on to win 40 games, and starting the second half 3-1 will help us repeat our firs half success.

The next series up is against the Lynchburg Hillcats, our other nemesis because they got hot at the stretch and were able to sneak their way to a first half title. The rosters are changed from the post All-Star call ups, and ours gained one new pitcher.  We sent two well deserved position players to Portland, and that made room for a pitcher.  The All-Star break is generally when moves are made for players who are playing at a level that moves them onto AA.  Two of our All-Star hitters were moved up, and now it gives a chance for other guys that might have been overlooked to shine. Once I get my mind right I will be another guy who has a chance to shine when it is all said and done.

The pitcher is not me.  I am currently still in the limbo world working on my game each day.  I play catch, I throw bullpens, and generally work on changing my view of myself to help me become a better pitcher.  Our pitching coach made the comment that we are able to sabotage ourselves quickly with our thoughts.  Then why are we not able to reverse those effects and turn our minds into overdrive for  a positive.  If the mind can debilitate people when they pitch it can also be used to make people perform above their normal limitations.  My absence from the mound for two weeks has certainty made the games go longer. When I have a chance I’ll be up that night the game goes quick when it gets to the 5th, 6th, and 7th.  Then it is game on when the phone rings.

When the second half started, our player development coordinator was in town.  He is the guy who makes the decisions on moving guys up, who goes down, and ultimately who gets released at the end of the day.  I had a chance to talk with him about my situation. We seem to be on the same page as far as my development goes.  The Red Sox believe in me enough to keep me around, even if it is on the back burner and behind other guys.  If the other guys get their chance first then so be it, I still have my chance while I have a uniform with a Red Sox on the front.  It is hard to show them that I am making improvements when I am not pitching in games, but my bullpen work is keeping me in good form. When I get back into a game it will be like riding a bike.  I did mention to our player development that when I got into a groove throwing every couple of days my numbers and my skills were improving.  Him and I also talked about how the potential is there, it just hasn’t come out as often as we would like so far. Then when I had a week between each outing is when my polish faded, which is no excuse, just an observation I have made.

Every day I show up to the park thinking today is the day that I will be activated again in the game. There is a chance that I will not be in Salem the next time I pitch.  All the cards are on the table for me.  If my next outing is here in Low A, short season, AA, GCL, AAA, wherever it is, it will be a good outing.  My mind will be right.  The theme around baseball is that if you want it enough you will figure it out.  If I want it enough I’ll figure out what is going on in my mind and be able to fix it.  I see where the coaches and fellow pitchers are coming from, but just because you want something a lot does not mean it will happen.  I want this baseball gig.  I do and my focus each day during games and until the last game this year I will remind myself that I want it.

This is the best I have felt physically baseball wise my entire career.  My stuff is there, my health is there, I only need to convince myself that it is there.  That is the next step for me.  Mix up the routine some, see what works for me going forward, and then make the adjustments that I need to make to smooth out these mechanics.

On a completely unrelated side note as I was writing this I thought about when I pitched against the Drive, some of my now teammates, in 2015.  I ended up giving up 3 runs over two innings against them and wanted to see who did damage to me.  Ill have to tell Huddy tomorrow that he was one of the main perpetrators. I managed to find the archived footage of the game and wow I was a weird looking pitcher in 2015.  I was like hey here hit the ball and that is what happened.  I have made good strides in my mechanics and my effort level when pitching, both for the better.

Also, I noticed how many pitchers they had who had good numbers and seemed to be in good standing that are now no longer with the organization.  That has me freaking out some, but at the end of the day that has no effect on me. The only thing that has an effect on me going forward is how I pitch the next time I get an opportunity in a game, or an opportunity each day when I play catch.  Take it all in and work on getting better each day.  I don’t want to be the burden on the bullpen or be the last man they trust with the game on the line.  That is a bad feeling.  Whenever and wherever the next outing is I’m going to give it my best.

Throwback to the original 45!

This week should be a good one for the Red Sox.  We host Lynchburg for three home games, then go on the road for one against Lynchburg.  Then from there we go back to Wilmington, DE to see the Bluerocks again. Two familiar foes to start the second half.  The rest of the second half is a heavy dose of Potomac in our division, and more games against the Southern Division opponents.  I look forward to going to stadiums I have not been to yet, and overall soaking in the experience of what the second half will bring.

 

First Half

The first half of the 2017 Salem Red Sox season is in the books. 

We started out hot and held onto a multiple game lead throughout the entire first half. As we neared the conclusion of the first half we saw our lead shrink all the way down to a game at one point. Then we were able to gain a game or two back and went into the last four game series up two games.  If we ended the season tied with Lynchburg then they would win the first half based of their head to head record with us. When we played them in April I thought they were puds and so did most of the pitchers. Now we know that although they do not have one person who stands out in their lineup they are able to produce runs. Their starting pitching and bullpen has been near the top in the league. Our splits between offense and pitching are farther away, and our team has a tendency to get streaky at the plate. 

The coaches felt the team was playing tight. All season we were cruising and playing with a swagger against teams. We came in hot then left with the win. The last few weeks we slowed down. We were reminded that just because the first half is over we are not done for the year. It was pointed out that it looked like we were coasting our way to a halfway finish line rather than sprinting into the halfway point to carry the momentum into the second half. This team can still get it done in the second half and compete for a playoff birth. That might be for the better to get hot at the end of the season and come into the playoffs with momentum. 

Lynchburg was angry

Unfortunately for myself and the rest of the Red Sox we decided to go cold at the wrong time. In retrospect, if we would have won one game out of the last five we would have been first half champions. Instead we went on a five game losing streak to close the half, as well as scoring one run in the last four games of the season. All in all it was a sour way to end the first half. However, just because the first half is over does not mean that the season is over. The stats from the first half carry over, there are no resets, and there is another set of 70 games that we can look forward to. 

In the second half we will see the same familiar foes. There will probably be more roster changes now that the All-Star break is here. The front office will say that someone had an entire first half to figure their game out and if they can’t figure it out at this point then they aren’t worth the investment. 

Tighter than a new pair of shoes on a rainy day

I am currently off the disabled list which means I could have contributed to the winning ways or losing ways of the last day. Technically since I went 0-0 on the first half I did not directly contribute to any of the wins or any of the losses. Yes I know that I pitched in games that we ended up losing but at that point the game was already out of hand or it became out of hand. 

I am figuring out what kind of pitcher I am going to be in the second half given the opportunity to. One of the goals from my player plan in April was the develop a slider than can generate swings and misses. I believe that I have a slider that can do that when I am on with it, and sometimes can sneak some weak contact when the slider is not available. My fastball command hasn’t been where it needs to be, but in 2015-6 I was having the same issues trying to aim the ball. I was told to throw it hard as possible and not worry about the result. That was spring training and their opinion on me could have, and certainly has, changed. I was pitching in the 91-3 range, and now if I throw a fastball below 95 I am upset with the outing. The velocity is building up which is one of the reasons that I am employed. I’d like to believe that given my physical attributes I will get a chance to finish out the year, and can have a solid base of innings to look back upon. My emotions on the mound have been good, although I’ve been told it looks like I don’t care when I pitch. I always thought having a stale face was good, and not showing emotion meant that the other team was not effecting your performance. 

One speech our pitching coach gives us is that you need to be able to take the hit when you get knocked down. This is the highest level of baseball that any of the pitchers here have played at. With that being said we are all in uncharted territory. Even the guys who have had unheralded success have struggled their first few outings here in Salem. Each level is an adjustment for us as well as the hitters when they move up levels. He also told us a story of a guy here who came up and had a double digit ERA he stuck with it and came back the next year and now a year later is pitching in the MLB. He stuck with it. The grips are the same, the talent level starts to narrow, and it comes down to execution of each pitch. I’ve proven that I can execute pitches. I can compete and dominate in this league. The problem is doing is more often than I don’t. I am proud of my ability to strand inherited runners. I’m good at that. There have been a few bad outings, a couple great outings, and a handful of tweeters. This second half will be nice to shift the distribution. 

The next few days are two days off while the hitting challenge on Monday then the actual all star game on Tuesday. Practice on Wednesday to get back after it, and then games against Wilmington Thursday-Sunday to start the second half. After that is Lynchburg. 

The Dash – Final Week

I am on a starters schedule.

After my lackluster appearance on Saturday, I did not pitch again until the following Saturday.  I was passed over for the midweek set against Lynchburg, our current rivals in the division.  After Lynchburg we headed south to Winston Salem.  Lynchburg keeps winning and are currently two games behind us with six to play.  It would be great if Wilmington would step up and sweep these next three games against Lynchburg.

Nice

The Lynchburg series was big for us to maintain our hold on first place.  We split that series 2-2 which meant that nothing changed in the standings. They went on a four game win streak after they played us, while we went 3-1 on the weekend.  As it stands right now we are up 2 games with 7 games to play.   I was looking forward to pitching against Lynchburg because of their heavy left handed lineup.  For some reason I have a mental block going with right hand hitters.  That is obviously a cause for concern as most hitters are right handed.  Those are the at bats I struggle with, and if you look at my splits I am sure the numbers versus left handers are much better.  When I bring it up to my coach he says that I should be focusing on the glove, and not see the hitter, which is easier said than done.  I asked another pitcher who has been in Salem with Abby before if he would entertain the idea of using a dummy while I throw bullpens.  That idea was shut down right away and now I know that if I bring it up again it is not going to go my way.

I was on the shelf for a few days and was able to take in the games from the on field bullpen at the Dash stadium.  It is a really nice stadium and venue for a team to play at, and from what I hear it is one of the best stadiums in the entire minor leagues.  Salem makes a couple more trips down south to see the Dash in the second half of the season.  We won the first two games of the series to keep our lead ahead of Lynchburg.  When I was called into action on Saturday it was 1st and 2nd 2 outs, in the third inning.  We were down a few runs but after a walk to a righty I was able to get a K against a lefty.  Thats my style.  I am happy I was able to strand the starters runners, and show that I can come in and work out of jams.  I almost want to be the guy who comes in to jams, gets out of them, then is done for the day rather than going back out for more innings. That is when I am at my best.

Another weird thing happened in my appearance. I balked for the first time. I thought that the hitter was granted time. He was calling for it but the home plate umpire did not grant it. I stopped my pitch and the guy from third scored and the guy from first advanced. Obviously an error on my part but when the guy is stepping out of the box mid pitch I thought he had time. Stupid mistake on my part.

We went on to lose the game by a large margin after my 1.1 innings pitched.  When I come into the game the coaches expect me to at least two innings, as we do with all the relievers.  The last two outings of mine have been short, and that always lets the team down and puts more strain on the rest of the bullpen.  Sometimes I feel like I am the ball and chain in the end of the bullpen.  We started with seven guys and at times it felt like we really only had six guys ready to throw each night.  Then if the correct situation came up I would be inserted into the game.   A good positive from this trip was seeing my bud JJ Franco who I played with in the GCL.  I walked him, I promised him I was doing my best strike throwing, just happened to be the leadoff guy which eventually led to me being pulled out of the game.

This season has not been kind to me this far.  It is strange that I have my best stuff of my life, velocity and offspeed pitch wise.  I dig myself into these holes with my inconsistency from pitch to pitch.  When I thought about how guys can go out and throw 5-6-7 innings and be consistent it always baffled me.  Then I realized that they don’t want up in the morning and say well I’ll go seven today.  When they are on the mound they are competing each pitch individually. The pitch before can tell you something, and you can build on it, but overall each pitch is a separate interaction.  If I start my focus on each individual pitch then next thing you know the hitter has one strike.  Then the hitter has another.  Instead of thinking of it as well here we go again I might walk a guy, I will think how okay make this pitch.  Then make another.  Then next thing you know the hitter is out.

There has been a slight shift in my plans for the last week of the first half.  The team is having some difficulty with our roster spots.  As the odd man out again I have been placed on the 7-day DL.  This means at a minimum that I can not pitch for a week, which is different than when I was placed on the Lowell roster.  The Lowell move meant that I could be activated at any time, but the DL move means that I have to serve my minimum time.  It is not a place I want to be with the last week of the first half looming.  Every inning and appearance I can get is important to my ultimate goals and transformation into a solid pitcher.  When I do not get the chances to pitch in games it makes me upset because I can’t have the bounceback outing that I expect.  Then the sour taste of my latest outing lingers and festers.

Goodnight from the Dash

I have felt incredible highs this season when I am able to get a big strikeout to strand runners.  I’ve felt incredible lows when I get taken out of the game mid inning, or starting an inning not knowing where the heck the ball is going. Being taken out mid inning is one of the worst feelings.  The team has now been together almost for half the season.  It has been good for me being around the same group of guys and developing the comradery with the bullpen.  One thing that Foulke tells us that the bullpen is a family unit and we enjoy being around each other.  Foulke will be in town for the last series in Wilmington which will be nice to get his input on how I am doing and generally have his presence in the bullpen.

At this time last year I was sitting at home.  The draft was coming up, the Rockies sent me home, and I was wondering what the next step was going to be.  As painful and bad as this season has been it has been an upgrade from where I was at last year. Each year I have improved and the second half is right around the corner.  I can only go up from here and take what I’ve learned this half into the second half, and contribute to a championship team.  If the Red Sox keep me for the second half then great I will do everyting I can to improve and show them the investment is worth it.  If not, then I have more experience under my belt and no longer at square one with how I pitch. A few mental hurdles here and there and I will be good to go with whoever is next up to throw me a jersey.   I still have a jersey on my back now, and each day I know I am lucky to walk on a baseball field every afternoon from 3 pm to 10 pm. The mountains in the background of our stadium are great to look at during the course of the game, and now that I am back on the DL I can take in the whole view rather than having the blinders on for the game.

In my next update I hope to write about our clinching of the first half and how awesome the celebration was.

BBBBBB

My first outing of each month has been a doozy.  Whenever I think I am getting over a hump or making good strides the next thing I know more runs are piling up on me. It is exhausting physically and mentally, more so mentally going into games without confidence. The term fake it till you make it has never been more applicable to me than any other situation.

After my 3.1 inning appearance against the Hillcats I warmed up once against the Keys in our extra inning affair.  If the game was tied after the 11th I was going to go in and shut the club down.  We ended up walking off against the Keys on a bang bang play at home plate that went into our favor.  I would have been ready to go even though I hadn’t thrown too many warm ups.  I figured if they called him out they would argue for a while and I would have time to get some more warm ups in.  Also, my heart was racing watching the play at the plate which means my arm would have been fueled well with blood. 

When we were watching the game, especially in the extra innings, the bullpen was trying all sorts of voodoo to get a run across.  We had rally gum, which meant we could barely chew the amount of gum we had.  We also had rally seeds where we packed our mouths full of seeds, rally hats, rally dancing, rally anything you can think of trying to get the run across and secure the win.  The Keys are a weird team, because they are in the last place, but somehow have a really good offense that always hits well against our team.

The next night I figured I would be one of the first guys available because I was the last to warmup.  That was not the case.  After we won the next game 5-3 I knew I was pitching the next night no matter what happened.  I had been game planning in my head about how to attack their hitters, how to expose their swings, and generally psyching myself up throughout the week.  I don’t know why I focused so much on the Keys when I was planning, but once the game starts it is about competing.

Before this outing, a couple of guys have told me I had been throwing the ball well.  Which meant that, as the universe dictates, I would have a bad outing.  All in all it did not go well for me, and I probably threw the same amount of pitches in one inning as I did the other day in three.  I stayed away from a Mitchell special of going four straight balls to someone, but I had 3-2 counts in a row that after a few foul balls did no go my way.  I was able to limit the damage from those but before the walks I had allowed a few base runners. The fact that guys can throw 20/30 innings and walk one person or only a handful of guys is incredible to me. My mechanics need to be tuned up as well as my ability to repeat them. That is part of the walk equation and the other part is the feel. When I make a good pitch I need to bottle that feeling and keep it for every pitch. Will myself to throw strikes. 

It is tough having a few good outings and seeing what you are capable of then immediately being reminded how little you have figured out.  The universe sending the message that you know nothing and are getting punched in the face repeatedly.  Our pitching coach mentioned how if someone is punching you in the face you don’t just stand there, there is fight in there somewhere.  Yes I am aware of the constant struggle I have been embracing over the last two months.

I am not doing the same things I have always been.  I am trying different things and seeing what is going to work in stick.  From the outside it might appear that I’m punching myself in the face and beating my head against the wall of pitching.  I maintain the fact that I’ve never had better pitches stuff wise, but the ball has not been going my way.  I also remember these are the highest level of hitters I have faced, and if the umps strike zones are smaller then they are preparing me for the next level.  If it is not a strike in A+ then it certainly won’t be a strike in the MLB.

The player development coordinator was here but did not see me pitch.  The pitching coordinator was also here, but did not have any words for me.  During this time of year there are Red Sox scouts, as well as other teams scouts in the stands.  MLB teams are looking to improve their major league rosters, and are looking to the minor leagues to see what pieces they have to trade.  I doubt that I am on any list for potential trade candidacy, and I am glad that I survived the trip with the big bosses in town.  That isn’t to say I won’t get a phone call tomorrow telling me to kick rocks, but the free day on Monday will be nice to relax and recharge my brain.

This week we play against Lynchburg on Tuesday and Wednesday.  They are now 1 game behind us after sweeping us in a double header today.  I only went one inning the other day, and that had a lingering effect on how many pitchers we had available today for the double header.  Both games were down to the wire, and the second game went into extra innings in a back and forth affair. There are roughly two weeks left in the first half and we are still one game ahead of the rest of the pack.  It is wild that we are still in first place when we have been struggling as a team, and this week will be big going forward to determine the first half champion.  Last year the Red Sox were the first half champs and from what I have heard the celebration is fun with the tarps being put up in the locker rooms.  If we can be four games up by the time we head to Wilmington that means the celebration is at home where we want it.

I’m not sure when my next appearance is, but I am looking forward to getting back on the mound.  What else can I do except go forward and show them I am not done yet.  That has been my slogan this year. I’m not done yet.